New Updates!!!
Welcome Kindle readers! It is going to take you way more than 14 days to read more than 3 yrs. of materials.LOL! Have fun!
You can see what I am up to, at the moment, by checking my twitter box(on right side).
These were taken from a email. I found some of them funny, so thought I would share. One thing I would like to add is… truth is like standing on a tall building. If you are standing on the middle of the roof, it looks might impressive, however standing by the edge can be very scary. Truth is just a matter of perspective. Enjoy!
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground..
5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster..
5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
With the income tax return coming on Friday, I have been spending my time online shopping for things to buy. Today I thought I would take a small break and share a cowboy email I recieved a while back. Hope sumtin’ in it makes ya smile!
Axe
Cowboy rules for:
Arizona, Texas , Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Idaho, Nebraska and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:
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Most of the time I try to post things to amuse or entertain. Things that will make you think or make you laugh. I am not so sure this post will do any of those things. In fact this post might, be mainly for myself. I understand that it is rather useless to post to the internet, a post that only I might be interested in. However, sometimes the thoughts and/or feelings must get out. To constrain them..to contain them, is not a viable choice. There are just so many levels of insanity one can stand before truelly becoming insane.
I can’t help but feeling a little confused and perhaps even slightly scared. While confused is a rather normal thing as of late, the being scared is not a feeling I have had alot of aquaintence with. For I have lived through things that would have scared alot of people to death.
Both that is really a neither here nor there type of thing, for the real meat of the subject still remains to be discovered. having lived with my illness for sometime now and discussed its implications a few times here already, I shall assume it is public knowledge and move onward toward what now comes to pass. Suffice it to say, I was given what was supposed to be the cure 3 months ago and now find out the cure did not work. I must visit my doctor again today and find out what is next when the cure does not work.
And this really is the meat, the crux of it. Where the true worry does reside. For what can my esteemed doctor do when the cure does not cure? Not sure that I want to hear the answer. Not sure I would really like the answer. I am sure that I will know anyway and I am sure that it might just send me places I had hoped to never visit again.
No more time for prayers or hope. Only thing left is for Axe to face the music….
Sick Leave
I urgently needed a few days off work but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted ‘Crazy’ then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who’s blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was ‘Crazy’
and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked,
‘What in the name of good GOD are you doing?’
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, ‘You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days .’
I jumped down and walked out of the office. .
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her,
‘. . And where do you think you’re going?!’
(You’re gonna love this . . . . )
She said, ‘I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.’
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using
the following password for her computer:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy
When the auditor asked why she had such a big password,
she said, “Hellllooooooooo! The tech
support guy said that it had to be at least eight characters
long.”
Seeing as people(guys) seem to like my bass fishing post so much and have kept my visits up due to it. I have decided to make a post that they truelly can appreciate. Just a few pics of hot gals in costumes and bikinis that I recieved in a email. Enjoy!
Just click on the thumbnails to see the full size pics. I hope you enjoyed this post as it is the only one I am going to do like this. I believe my blog is about more than just pretty ladies. A whole lot more!!! LOL!
To the gals out there, if you feel like I was unfair in anyway, email me from my contact page. 
If I get alot of female responses, I may feel compelled to make a post with hot guys.
Axe
Just sharing a email,so don’t be yelling at me.
A crusty old man walks into the local Church and says to the secretary, ‘I would like to join this damn church..’
The astonished woman replies, ‘I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?’
‘Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!’
‘I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church.’
The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor’s study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.
They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, ‘Sir, what seems to be the problem here?’
‘There is no damn problem,’ the man says. ‘I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money. ‘
‘I see,’ said the pastor.
‘And is this bitch giving you a hard time?
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however.. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don’t.
(2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don’t ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don’t smoke or drink,
(7) don’t want to wear your clothes,
(8) don’t have to buy the latest fashions,
(9) don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and
(10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
Iowa is a state in the midwest. It is where I was born and raised. Since it is where I began my life and this is the beginning of a new year, I thought it a good way to start out the new year. Even though I have lived in Texas for the last 28 yrs. of my life, Iowa will always remain a integral part of my life and who I am. Enjoy!
THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION WILL ONLY BE OF INTEREST TO YOU IF YOU CAME FROM IOWA, KNEW SOMEONE FROM IOWA, LIVED IN IOWA FOR A SPELL, MARRIED SOMEONE FROM IOWA (IF SO, IT MAY BE BEST TO KEEP THESE FACTS TO YOURSELF UNTIL SUCH TIME AS YOUR SPOUSE BRINGS UP SOME OTHER OBSCURE FACT), HAD OTHER RELATIVES (NO MATTER HOW DISTANT) FROM IOWA, WENT TO SCHOOL IN IOWA, DROVE THROUGH IOWA; OR, SHOULD YOU BE ONE OF THOSE VERY RARE PEOPLE WHO HAS A DEEP SENSE OF PURSUIT OF IOWA FACTS – A RARE PERSON, INDEED.
IOWA TRIVIA—KNOWLEDGE WE CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT!
**********************************************
Ripley’s Believe It or Not has dubbed Burlington’s Snake Alley the most crooked street in the world.
Strawberry Point is the home of the world’s largest strawberry.
The state’s smallest city park is situated in the middle of the road in Hiteman.
Scranton is home to Iowa’s oldest water tower still in service.
1897 40,000 gallons
Dubuque is the state’s oldest city.
Crystal Lake is home to a statue of the world’s largest bullhead fish.
Rathbun Dam and Reservoir is the largest body of water in the state.
1000 acres
Spirit Lake is the largest glacier-made lake in the state.
West Okoboji is the deepest natural lake in the state. Its depth is 136′.
Imes Bridge is the oldest of Madison County’s six bridges.
Iowa’s longest and highest bridge crosses Lake Red Rock.
Elk Horn is the largest Danish settlement in the United States
At 16 miles, East Okoboji is the longest natural lake in the state.
Kalona is the largest Amish community west of the Mississippi River.
The state’s lowest elevation point (at 480 feet) is in Lee County.
The Holliwell Bridge is the longest bridge in Madison County.
Francis Drake was 66 years old at his inauguration and Iowa’s oldest
governor.
Iowa’s oldest continually running theater is in Story City.
The Cedar Rapids Museum of Art houses the largest collection of Grant
Wood artwork.
SPRING IN TOWN AMERICAN GOTHIC SPRING IN THE COUNTRY
1941 1930 1941
Fenelon Place Elevator in Dubuque is the world’s steepest and shortest
railway.
Wright County has the highest percentage of grade-A topsoil in the
nation.
Quaker Oats, in Cedar Rapids, is the largest cereal company in the
world.
The Saint Francis Xavier Basilica in Dyersville is the only basilica in the
United States situated outside a major metropolitan area.
Clarion is the only county seat in the exact center of the county.
Dubuque is home to the only county courthouse with a gold dome.
Cornell College is the only school in the nation to have its entire campus
listed on the National Register of Historic Places.
The Sergeant Floyd Monument in Sioux City honors the only man to die
during the Lewis and Clark expedition.
Iowa’s only fire tower is situated in Yellow River State Forest.
Maynard Reece, born in Arnolds Park, is the only artist to win the
Federal Duck Stamp competition five times.
A bronze life-sized sculpture of a Norwegian immigrant family (circa
1860) is located on a six acre restored prairie site located at the East
entry to Lake Mills on Highway 105.
Iowa’s only operating antique carousel is located in the city of Story
City.
Knoxville’s National Sprint Car Hall of Fame and Museum is the only
museum in the country dedicated to preserving the history of sprint car
racing.
100 foot at harper’s ferry
Sabula is Iowa’s only town on an island.
Herbert Hoover, a West Branch native, was the 31st president of the
United States and the first one born west of the Mississippi
Mamie Doud Eisenhower’s birthplace is located in Boone and includes a
restored frame house, complete with summer kitchen and original
furniture from the family.
Van Meter is the hometown of baseball’s Bob Feller, an Iowa farm boy
who went on to greatness with the Cleveland Indians during the Golden
Age of baseball.
Born Donnabelle Mullenger in Denison, Oscar Award-winning actress,
Donna Reed, started her career at the young age of 16.
Born Marion Robert Morrison in Winterset, John Wayne was the son of a pharmacist and grew
up to become one of Hollywood’s most popular movie stars. The famous actor was born on May
26, 1907.
Meredith Wilson, who played with the famous John Philip Sousa and the New York Philharmonic before launching his
career as a famous composer and lyricist, is a Mason City native, in addition he wrote THE MUSIC MAN.
Meredith Wilson Museum Mason City
Jay Berwanger, the first winner of the Heisman Trophy, was born in Dubuque in 1914..
1935 Univ. of Chicago (a Big Ten team at that time.)
Glenn Miller, noted trombonist and orchestra leader, was born in
Clarinda located in Southwest Iowa.
The town of Fort Atkinson was the site of the only fort ever built by the
U.S government to protect one Indian tribe from another..
Campers and motor homes are manufactured in Winnebago County
They’re called Winnebago’s.
Iowa is the only state whose east and west borders are 100% formed by
water. Missouri (& Big Sioux) and Mississippi rivers.
The highest double track railroad bridge in the world, the Kate Shelley
Bridge, is located at Boone.
circa 1902 photo
Iowa is the only state name that starts with two vowels. Iowa State University is the oldest land
grant college in the U.S.A.
Decorah hosts Nordic Fest a three-day celebration of Decorah’s Scandinavian heritage.
The National Balloon Museum in Indianola chronicles more than 200 years of ballooning
history.
Sheldon High School Summer Theatre, the only high school repertory in Iowa and one of just a
few in the nation presents a different play for each week in June and July.
Clarion, the county seat of Wright County,is the only town that can claim John Phillips as their
local hero.
Wright county is the county with the most artesian wells.
Eagle Grove has an artesian well that has run non stop for over 100 years and is still flowing..
Folks from all over go there and fill jugs with its pure water.
Iowa means:
“Beautiful Land.”
and another one opens or so the saying goes. It is just another way of describing the process of change. Our lives are filled with it and we sometimes have a hard time dealing with that change. It’s sink or swim, another catchy phrase to help us deal.
This year I learned I had a fatal disease and figured I would probably die. Nobody really cared, not even sure how much I did and lucky I ended up getting treatment, despite everyone’s general lack of interest.
This year I brought you part 3 in the now very popular Funny Redneck Pictures series. Little did I know when I first posted those they would become such a staple here. Kinda funny, in the fact, that I am a Yankee living in south Texas.
I brought you a new series called Funny Dirty Pictures that was a combination of funny signs & dirty meanings. You seem to have enjoyed that one alot this year.
I reviewed some games, both online and console. I spoke about some tv shows and even took a small dip into politics.
I added posts that complimented each other when I gave you The Fart List and Funny Signs part 2. Each post carried on or added to a previous post here. I do not just add jokes here. I expand upon them!
Most importantly, I spoke of video games and rock and roll. I spoke of some my earliest rock and roll memories and some of my most recent video game experiences.
This year while covering a large variety of subjects, I managed to keep the posts to a minimum. I chose quality over quantity and I believe this years posts, represent my life as good as any other year.
While adding the fewer posts, I added more features to the blog.I added a mp3 player and link, so readers could directly access some of my original music from my guitar page. I added a slide show to my about me page. I added a free graphics page, that has a link to button blanks, that I created for use on websites and blogs. And lastly, I added a contact page so readers could more easily contact me.
Overall, 2009 was not a bad year for this blog. While I did not add any new original content(no new writings or music), readers still seem to have enjoyed the jokes and pics that I did post this year. So much so, that I went to over 400,000 views this year. Not bad for only a dozen or so posts.
2010 will be a different year, than last year though. Even though 2009 proved this blog can be successful with very few posts and no original content, it is not what I intended for this blog. It has always been about sharing me, my creative interests and accomplishments, and my ideas, no matter how lame you might think they might be.:)
With that in mind, my plans for 2010 are to add original music, videos, and writings. Content that can only be gotten here. Of course, I will still add jokes and pics, but now that a cure for my disease is underway, it is time to move forward once more.
Cheers to a new year, hopefully filled with lots of smiles and giggles!
Axe
