I can’t help but…

  Most of the time I try to post things to amuse or entertain. Things that will make you think or make you laugh. I am not so sure this post will do any of those things. In fact this post might, be mainly for myself. I understand that it is rather useless to post to the internet, a post that only I might be interested in. However, sometimes the thoughts and/or feelings must get out. To constrain them..to contain them, is not a viable choice. There are just so many levels of insanity one can stand before truelly becoming insane.

I can’t help but feeling a little confused and perhaps even slightly scared. While confused is a rather normal thing as of late, the being scared is not a feeling I have had alot of aquaintence with. For I have lived through things that would have scared alot of people to death.

Both that is really a neither here nor there type of thing, for the real meat of the subject still remains to be discovered. having lived with my illness for sometime now and discussed its implications a few times here already, I shall assume it is public knowledge and move onward toward what now comes to pass. Suffice it to say, I was given what was supposed to be the cure 3 months ago and now find out the cure did not work. I must visit my doctor again today and find out what is next when the cure does not work.

And this really is the meat, the crux of it. Where the true worry does reside. For what can my esteemed doctor do when the cure does not cure? Not sure that I want to hear the answer. Not sure I would really like the answer. I am sure that I will know anyway and I am sure that it might just send me places I had hoped to never visit again.

No more time for prayers or hope. Only thing left is for Axe to face the music….


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