There is a moment when people enter our lives and a moment when they leave. No matter what takes place in between those moments, there is always an indelible imprint left behind. An imprint that changes us. An imprint that redifnes who we are and what we are about. Many times that imprint is barely noticible, however, sometimes that imprint becomes a focal point of our lives.
To my mind, it seems as if every little encounter should mean more, affect us more, than they often do. Is not each one worthy of the same kind of notice and consideration? The obvious answer is yes but that is not how the mind works…not a reality. Some things just are.
Perhaps it is just a product of these modern times. Too many people walking in and out of our lives. Too many things all happening at once. The mind gets entangled by the worries and concerns of the day. We get lost in the tide of life and forget about what is important. We lose sight of what matters most. They become ghosts that eventually fade away into the night.
When this happens we realize too late. Our eyes are opened; our mind widened to the error of our ways. We see what we missed and we feel sorrow. When they leave us and the loss is permanent, the sorrow is only compounded more. In this lucidity, we completely see just who we really are. We see our humanity and all of its deepest flaws. We find the monster that is us and we recoil.
Today, I have seen mine. Today, I have lucidity. Today, I have seen my flaws, my monster, my humanity, or what little there is of it. Today is too late. Today, they are gone; they did pass from this world. Today I recoil and feel sorrow.
There is no take-backs. There is no fixing. Nothing that I can do now. I can only hope that their loved ones find peace of mind, in some form, and that I can forgive myself. I can only hope that what comes next is better than here. I can only hope that I do not allow myself to forget what I have learned from this.