Birthdays, what do they really mean?

I suppose they can mean many things, to many people. They can be just another day for some. For others, they can be a day they wish would just end, or would rather forget it even existed. I view them a little differently than most, I suppose, but I am certain there are others out there like me, who view birthdays as milestones.  But what does that mean, really?

Well, let’s look at what an actual milestone is and then the picture may become clearer. A milestone is a place you stop, and you can then take a minute to look back at all you have seen, since your last one. Now you can see, I hope, what I mean when I say I view a birthday as a milestone. I stop, and look back over the previous year and take inventory of what I learned. With that idea in mind, last year implemented new settings to my Facebook account. The major setting, that was most important, was for nobody to be able to post to my timeline, but myself. This allowed two things to happen. People could not post crap and tag it with my name, to use it as a way of getting more people to go, to their timeline. It also meant if someone had something they wanted to say to me, they had to reply to something I posted(which as a side note, they would have to actually read my posts) or they had to send me a direct message.

I did this because of some very obvious reasons. I wanted to know who was actually reading what I posted, and I wanted to know which people really actually gave a shit enough about others, to send a message or even reply to a post on my timeline, on my next birthday. By last years birthday, I already suspected that most people were not reading a damn thing I posted and wondered why I would then get so many b-day wishes, if people were completely ignoring me. Then I realized, that people were not reading anything other than the little notification on their home screen, and replying directly from that. Therefore, there was no reason to ever read anything. You can just post a happy b-day message once a year, and never have to visit that person’s profile or read one fucking word, that they wrote.

This year I have the results of those settings. I may have had to wait an entire year to be sure, and to KNOW I had completely accurate results, but I believe it was worth the wait.

On Facebook, I have a total of 1064 friends. Out of those 1064 “friends” only 19 considered me worthy, of them taking their time to send me a personal Happy Birthday wish. I also made one post about it being my birthday. This post was meant to see how many would actually go to my profile. Only 2 people replied, to that b-day post. So there you have it, 21 people out of 1064 “friends” actually took the time to wish me happy b-day. That is a grand total of 2% of the people I know on FB, actually gave a shit enough to say anything to me, on my birthday.

I am betting a lot of you are now wondering how many people really give a fuck about you. My advice to you, don’t bother. The answer, even if it is better results than mine, will still be very disappointing.

Now getting this information, this hard proof, at this time could not probably not have been timed better. For awhile now I had been asking myself why it was that everything I posted, no matter where I posted it at(Facebook, WordPress, Twitter, G+, Myspace, ReverbNation, Soundcloud, Youtube, just to name a few) seemed to generate little or no response. In fact, no response has really become the norm, at nearly every place. It did not seem to matter what I posted either. A writing, a joke, a picture, a song, etc. I just did not matter where or what I posted. I began to figure out that I could post I died and it would be like everything else. Simply ignored.

I began to realize that the universe was trying to tell me something. But exactly what, I was not sure of. For awhile, I was convinced that it was trying to tell me, that I simply do not matter and should just end it. That seemed to be the message it was sending me. So loudly, so clearly, I cannot say I never considered just putting myself, out of my misery.

But then my little birthday experiment told me, that there are people, who do give a shit about me. There might not be many but there are a few. This message, combined with everything else, gave me a complete picture. Now the message, that the universe has been trying to send me, is a bit more defined.

All the years of life, that I have lived, I have had to deal with everything, from being bullied to being abused to being ignored. Yet, I have always said, it does not matter, if people, in general, hate me the moment they meet me. It does not matter, if family and friends backstab me. It does not matter, how much this world abuses me, I will rise above it all. I will be the better person. I will continue giving people a chance, by opening up, by sharing my self and my life. Now I finally realize, that I was doing it all wrong. I finally got, what the universe has been trying to tell me, and now I can see how I was wrong, in my thinking.

What I have been doing all along, is instead of rising above everything bad, that has happened to me, I have been rewarding people for their abuse. I have been giving, and giving and giving, and not receiving. I have been trying to be better but I now see, that it was a complete waste. If you give money to a fool, then the money is simply lost and has served no purpose. It has helped no one.

Now I get what the universe has been saying. It has been trying to tell me, that I have already given too much, and that I have given it to people who do not deserve it, or do not know how to receive it. I have given to fools, and no one will benefit from that. They shall not be enriched and I shall never be thanked, for all that I have given. The time for me to give, has now come to an end. The universe has been trying to tell me, that I have already given to much, and now that I can clearly see this, I shall give no more.

This does not mean I won’t ever post again. On the contrary, I might actually post more(not making any guarantees). But , what I do post in the future, will not be of my blood, time, creativity, and energy, spent. It will be other people’s crap. I will go steal and share someone else’s crap, just like every other motherfucker out there does. Nothing I post in the future will be something I created with my camera, computer, or musical instruments, unless it is something I have already created. Those works I have started, will be finished, but then all new stuff will stay with me, until the universe sends me a clear message to the contrary.

This year’s birthday milestone was a very important one for me. I learned sharing with people who are undeserving of it is the equivalent of rewarding bad behavior. I won’t make that mistake again. Thank you for reading and may your minestones show you as much, as mine have.

Axe

 

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