Welcome to Comcast/Xfinity!(Home of the Comclowns)

12/13/13-Edited this funny story to add pictures that display the sad truth of what Comcast means when they say “Professional Installation“.(Note-You can click on any of these pics to see their full size. These are unedited full sized, 4608 pixel x 3456 pixel pictures.)

Comcast/Xfinity are what I have been dealing with, this last week. Yes, I said week. That is how long it took them, to install basic internet and TV service, to my house. So let’s start at the beginning and work our way to the present, so you too, will understand why I now call them the Comclowns.

Last week, on Wednesday(12/04/13) I called them up expecting to replace both my current internet provider(Consolidated Communications) and my TV provider(DishNetwork). Both companies I had been with for more than 6 yrs. and both were over-charging me for service, and neither of them, ever offered to upgrade my old equipment, or to help me find a way to lower my monthly bills, without a new contract. So needing to lower my bills and desiring better service, like higher internet speeds of 360 Kbps downloads, and TV service that did not go down every time, a storm rolled in, I looked into other options. Comcast was doing a promotion at the time. Bundle any 2 services and get each for $20 a month. It seemed I could replace both with lower cost and better service overall.

So I called them last Wednesday and while on the phone with them discussing what I wanted, I tell the man that the line to my house had been cut down many years ago because it was too low. Now, to most normal people, this should have indicated that when you re-install the line, you are going to need to run the line underground to avoid it being cut down. Apparently, the man at Comcast was not a normal person. He was an uber-moron and did not consider this, when he offered to send an installer out the next day. I accepted, not knowing that the installer could NOT put in a line underground. Besides, you got to get the ball rolling somehow.


These are the two poles discussed later on in the article. The closer one is where the underground line attached to. The further one is the one the installer was afraid to climb the ladder to fix the filter problem. You might want to click on this picture to get a better view.

The 1st installer(take note I said first because there were several) arrived later than the 2 hr. window in which they promised(It should be noted this first installer called my wife around 10:40 AM and said he might get to our home early because things were going smoothly. Thus I was forced into watching for him even longer than I should of). Already not a good start, hmm? Then after I showed him where the line would be run, he comes to the same conclusion of what I told the man on the phone, that the line would have to be run underground, from across the street. He calls his supervisor to double check with him and then it is agreed, that a contracting “crew” would need to come out and drill a hole under the road, and lay line in it, for me to get my service. So they arrange(supposedly, I am going off of what the installer is telling me) for a contracting “crew” to come out on Saturday(12/07/13)MORNING to lay the line under the road, and for an installer to come by in the afternoon to install service, to my house. All SOUNDS fine and dandy until the installer tells me just before he leaves, that it would probably be best for me to be there when the contracting “crew” shows up, so I can show them exactly where the line is supposed go to and from . Since they are “supposedly” going to arrive in the morning, I have no problems with that.

Saturday rolls around. No contractor shows up. Not in the morning as discussed. Not in the afternoon. Not even in the evening. In fact, I even call Comclowns near the time the installer is supposed to arrive, to find out what the deal with this contractor is. I learn that the contractor is scheduled to show up anytime between 8AM -8PM. I am like, what fucking moron schedules a contractor show up anytime during the day and also schedules an installer to show up on the same day, in the afternoon? Idiots do stupid shit like that. This second installer is the only one who showed up on time, but since the contractor never showed up to put the line underground, he has nothing to do. He calls in and re-schedules for another installer to come out on Tuesday(12/10/13) sometime between 10AM-Noon, and then of course, leaves shortly after arriving. Again, no installation and this time I had to wait around an entire day for nothing. If you think, I am not beyond pissed off at this, then you would be dead wrong. I wasted an entire Saturday waiting on nothing.

So, of course, after 8PM and the contractor having not shown up, I call up Comclowns about the contractors failure to show up. I explain to them that I did not appreciate having wait around ALL day for nothing and they tell me a “Supervisor” will call me about the matter and give me a re-scheduled time for putting a line underground. No “Supervisor” ever called me. In fact, to this day, no supervisor has called me. I tell this now because it will mean something later. At any rate, someone does call my WIFE and tells her that another contractor is scheduled to come out and put the line underground on Tuesday.

Of course, I am thinking, OMFG! These morons actually did the same thing again. They scheduled the contractor to show up anytime between 8AM-8PM and the installer to show up between 10AM-Noon. I am thinking I am never going to get anything installed because these so-called “Contractor Crews” do not really exist.

Imagine my surprise, when on Tuesday morning, at 7:45 AM I am awoken by a phone call from my wife, informing me that there is a contractor outside my front door. Now I have no idea why she was called, when they had my personal cell phone number and knew I was going to be the one at home. So, I go answer the door and sure enough there is a guy there. Not a “crew”, one guy. I am like o.k., how the hell is one guy going to dig a hole under a road? Putting aside the obvious question. I go show him what is supposed to be done and where. Then this guy actually asks me ” It is o.k. if I tear up this road?” I am thinking did he really just ask me that? Can he really be that stupid? I tell him, of course, “Hell NO! You are supposed to drill a hole under the road.” Now this guy is looking around like he has no idea what he was going to do, because he obviously was not equipped, to do such a task. Seeing this look on his face, I am now thinking if I do not come up with an alternative, this guy is going to leave because this job was far too big for one man with a shovel to do.(Yes, that is really all the man had to do this job) So I look around and see the runoff drain pipe that goes under the road, and tell him he could run the line in through that, if he needed to. Of course, he did not really have any other options to get the job done, so that is what he does. At this point, I am thinking Comcast should be paying me, as I am having to go out there and instruct their employees on how to do their damn job. Here are a few pictures of the professional underground wire installation.


See the nice straight groove in my lawn he made with his shovel. Is poking a shovel into the ground and then shoving the wire inside the groove really what is considered professional now-a-days? Somehow I think not!


Here is a close up showing that the underground wire was indeed run through the drainage pipe. It’s funny when I think back remembering being concerned about the Contractor “crew” tearing up the road and that first installer told me. “No worries, they won’t tear up the road, they will drill right under it”


A couple steps back so you can see it is indeed a drainage pipe. My wife claims they are called Culverts. W/e, their construction “crew” certainly did no drilling no matter what you call this pipe.


A few more steps back and you can now see the road it goes under. Also if you click on the picture you can see the groove going off to the right that was made with the shovel.


This is a pic of the wire coming out the other side of the road. I was not out watching how he did this, but I would not count out him crawling through the pipe like some sewer rat. Don’t you know that is how a professional installer puts lines underground?


One more pic from the other side of the road. I want to make sure there are no doubts in anyone’s mind, that this is what actually took place. The story might seem too funny, but the truth is often stranger than fiction. I should know, I write fiction!

The one man “crew” manages to get his job done after my instruction and leaves. Now I just have to wait for the installer to show up. He is supposed to be there sometime between 10 AM-Noon. Just before Noon I get a phone call, which I miss but they left me a voice message. I check it. It is some woman speaking really fast and really low. Even with the volume turned all the way up on my iPhone and after listening to the message 3 times, I determine what I think she is saying.” Your installer is running a little bit late and will be there sometime between now and 1:30 PM.” At least, that is what I think she said. Does not matter, late is late. I should not be surprised by anything this company tells me at this point, because they have already lied to me, so many times by this point, I have lost track.

After I give up waiting for this guy to show up, sometime around 1:40 PM and decide to nap he shows up around 2:20 PM. Again, it is a call from my wife which wakes me up, telling me the installer is at the front door. As soon as I open the front door, the installer turns around and starts heading towards the side of the house, where the cable will be installed. He apologizes to me with his back turned to me for being late. I am thinking, you are nearly 2 1/2 hours late and the best you can give me, is some half-hearted apology with your back turned toward me. So I show him where the line went underground and which poles the line is going to be connected to. First thing this “Professional Installer”(I put that in quotes because that is what Comcast’s website claims they are) does is connect the underground wire at my pole, to the old existing cable line, that was there from a previous tenant. After doing that, he then realizes that he should of checked the line across the street, for a signal. So he takes down a small latter from his truck, and goes over there to do that, and discovers there is no signal. Nothing. Nada! But this makes perfect sense if you are Comclowns. Because upon further investigation, following the line back to the next pole, the installer sees a filter has been put on the line. The filter is to prevent people from stealing cable. But who is going to be stealing cable from a fucking cut line?(I mentioned this earlier and told the very first person I spoke to at Comclowns about it) So, of course it makes sense, that there is a filter to prevent stealing from a cut down line. It makes perfect sense, if you are a dumbass from Comclowns.

So, the installer, goes and gets the bigger ladder from his truck, all the while telling me how he is afraid of heights. He sets the ladder up but halfway up, decides he cannot go any further up, to remove the damn filter from the line. This “Professional installer” decides he has to go and see if he can find someone to pay, to go up the ladder and remove the filter. By the actions of this installer thus far, I have determined that I will have to be outside the entire time this man is here, because obviously he is not a “Professional Installer” by any means. About 15 mins. later he shows up with some young kid who climbs up the latter. The kid does finally manage to remove the filter and replace my line back but not before breaking one, of the 2 connections, on the box. But at least a signal is finally gotten to the pole across the street. Then the installer puts away his smaller ladder and I have to point out, that he did not connect the pole across the street, to the underground cable. He then has to take off the ladder from his truck, and once more move it back across the street, to put the two lines together. Is this guy on drugs or just forgetful? I remember thinking. Hell, I am on drugs, yet I was the one who had to remind him.


Here is the junction box where the filters were at. See the tags hanging from the lines, those are what told the installer that there were filters up there. Frankly, I am surprised he even knew this much. Guess they taught that the first day of Professional Installation school. I am guessing he missed a large number of days though.


Here is a zoomed in picture of the box where it can clearly be seen that the filter on the left side was broken off. Yes, call Comcast/Xfinity to Professionally install your equipment. They will even go grab young kids off the street to get the job done!!!

After having to show the installer where the line from the pole in my yard, ran to my house. I had to point out that I never used dish for internet, so he could probably check the signal from the line already installed in my house(which I had previously shown him existed). I had to point out when he was out hooking up all the cable connections to EXISTING wiring, that he was doing it wrong. He nearly sent the incoming signal from pole to an output slot on the splitter, instead of the input slot where it belongs. At this point, I am wondering exactly how much Comclowns owes me for this install and we had not even gotten inside yet! Here are a few pictures of what that ended up looking like.


This pic you might have to click on to get a clear view. Note the bottom wire of the 3 way splitter, that is where he was going to plug in the input from the pole(bottom line of left side). Notice anything odd about the 2 wires on the left side. They are the same length because he cut the upper one too short thinking it was going into the bottom line of the splitter.


A closer shot where you can see the input slot of the splitter in one the left side, while the 3 outputs(2 tvs and internet) are on the right side. I love how he was happy to use the holes going into house made by someone else but for some odd reason did not feel in the least bit compelled to remove any of their old outside wiring. I wonder, was he thinking I would probably be changing back to the old services soon.


Here is a close up of the other side. The bottom wire coming from under the house is the signal input line from the pole. The top line leads the internet connection. See how they are nearly identical in length. That is because he was going to put the top one where the bottom one is connected(input of the signal line to the output line of the splitter). That is why the top wire was not cut long enough and looks so sloppy. He cut it too short to place it onto the wall in a L shape. This install looks like I did it myself. Actually, that’s not true. If I would have done it myself, it would look better than this and I certainly am no “professional installer” by any means! Btw, he is paid between $14-$16 an hour to do this job. Yes, he was bragging to me while trying to install my wiring incorrectly!!!

With the outside wiring done and done correctly, thanks to me. We proceeded inside. As soon as we got inside, I started setting things up while he worked on paperwork. Keep in mind, I am unhealthy and on drugs, and should not be doing any kind of work. But I knew, if I did not get more active on this, we were going to be there all night. I installed the internet modem by myself while he was filling out paperwork. I also had to help install both the HD receiver and even the regular one. At this point I am extremely thankful, I did not request a box for my middle room TV. Obviously, it would have just meant more work for me. During the time we were installing stuff inside, the installer had gotten several calls, because he is late for his next install. Of course, he is late! He arrived at my house nearly 2 1/2 hours late and was so incompetent, he had to have my supervision and some stranger help him do HIS job.

He quickly sets up the remotes to do basic controls of the 2 TVs, while I make sure my desktop, which is connected through Ethernet cable, directly to their modem, works. He barely explains how anything works, and does not even check to see if the wireless, is working. He hurriedly makes me sign the paperwork and runs off, leaving me basically to figure out everything, on my own. Of course, he asks me to give him all 5s when I get the installer performance survey call, on his way out the door. I want to smack this guy, not give him top scores in this survey call to come.

I spend the rest of the fucking day trying to figure out everything. From the remote and HDdvr functions, to getting the damn wireless to work. Which it did not, until I created an account at Comclowns website. Fucking retarded! During that process of trying to figure out everything, I get the survey call and I gave the man low scores, of course. I was told by the stupid recording that was giving me this survey, that because of my scores, a “Supervisor” would be calling me. As I mentioned previously, no “Supervisor” has called me yet. So even the fucking machine lied to me. Someone did finally call me. The next day around(12/11/13) 9PM and I was finally sitting down to eat. I spent most of the next day after the installer, trying to get my internet connected devices, to work with the modem.(I still have not gotten everything done as of this moment) I was hungry and tired from dealing with stupid shit like Apple TV not working, through an Ethernet connection, to the modem. I had to change it to wireless just to get it to work. I should not have had to do that. You cannot be anymore connected than a hardwired connection. Typical dumbass crap, one most certainly should now expect, from Comclowns. So when this assclown from Comcast finally did call me and I told him I was eating, he asked if he could call me back a little later, and I replied “Yes!” Instead of saying o.k. I will, thank you, or goodbye, this asshole starts asking me questions. Of course, I figured that this idiot did not understand basic concepts like, this phone call is over, so I proceeded to answer his questions in the most hostile way, one can imagine, only to find out that he was not a ‘Supervisor” and all he could do, was note this on my account.

Now let me make clear why it is, that no Comcast “Supervisor” has ever called me. You see Comcast has a guarantee of arrival time and satisfaction. If a “Supervisor” called me, he would have to honor those guarantees and give me credit for all the problems and dissatisfaction I have had to endure, with just the installation. They do not want to actually honor those guarantees though, so they don’t call me.

So now you have seen, with your own eyes, the type of professionalism you can expect from Comcast/Xfinity, still want to get it now? I’ll bet NOT!!! Of course, if you are already a Comcast/Xfinity subscriber, now you know a few of the reasons why you are being overcharged and underserviced. They hire morons, pay them really well, and make stupid ass mistakes that consistently cost the company money and man hours.

I am wondering just how much I should bill them for? What do you think would be fair compensation for all this crap Comclowns has made me deal with? When you consider the time I lost in writing, and getting my next book to market, I do not believe there is a concrete amount that I could agree on.

Last thing, I checked my bill yesterday. They want over $82.00 from me for this crap! They gave me a single $20 credit for only one person being late. Ummm, 2 installers were late and a contractor failed to show up at all. Furthermore, they had a debit and credit for my wireless installation. Excuse me? I fucking installed the wireless modem myself and then AFTER the installer left, I had to set up the wireless in my house. There should have never been a debit for it, when they did not install it. They owe me the fucking $50.00 installation charge. Their incompetence just seems to multiply. Want to read more about their wonderful service after the install, go here!

Your opinions are welcomed and valued, so feel free to speak up!




Filed under Comedy, funny, General Stuff, Humor, Pictures, Reviews, Thoughts

7 responses to “Welcome to Comcast/Xfinity!(Home of the Comclowns)

  1. ROFLMBO! Oh geesh- I think we all have had things like this happen when it comes to getting dish, Direct or Comcast tv and internet. But, yours had me in tears as I was laughing so hard! I would call them and ask for a Supervisor- not telling them why, and actually talk to him. If you can’t get them, then I would say that the install and a years free service would be the way to go! I had a problem at the genius bar at Apple twice and I called them up to complain nicely about it and they sent me a brand new iPod without me even asking for anything. If everyone were that cool, no complaint department would be needed! Good luck! 🙂


  2. I tweeted at someone from cooperate. He replied asking for my info. I replied informing that I was not going to remove this article. This crap cost me days of writing time and that means that many more days it will take to get my next book to market. I am not sure exactly what would make me satisfied at this point.

    Thanks for your thoughts and input on this article! I am glad you found amusement in it. Tomorrow, I will be adding pictures and more tags to make sure whenever someone searches Comcast, they will not only find this article but will see with their own eyes actual proof of their incompetence.

    I want people to be aware, that this is not just some tale I told, but an actual series of events.

    Again, thx for replying!



  3. Pingback: I republished my post about Comcast/xfinity | Axe's Asylum

  4. Laughing so hard there are tears coming down my cheeks! The pictures really add to this! I am now convinced that I won’t be considering ComCast anytime soon, unless I need a few laughs! LOL! I am SMH just looking at the pictures! Do these “professionals” need to take an IQ test or even a eye chart test prior to getting a job? LOL! This is really hilarious! Thanks for the laughs.


  5. I knew the pictures would really add to this post. I am certain my comments below each one also helped to really make the point clear. I cannot believe these numb nuts are paid more than my wife. She is 10 times more competent and grossly unpaid. Once more thanks for the comment!


  6. Pingback: My Comcast/xfinity service after install.. | Axe's Asylum

  7. Pingback: @comsast/@xfinity does it again. | Axe's Asylum

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