This is a thing, which for many years, I have strived to achieve. It is not always easy. Nobody lives in a vacuum(no matter how much people are capable of sucking). We all have outside influences that affect us daily, momentarily, even from second to second, we are bombarded with information from different sources and people.
For most of us, it makes it that much harder to define who we are and what we stand for. Sometimes the outside influences and pressures overcome us, and we find ourselves in places we never intended to be. When this happens, it becomes obvious that we have lost sight of who we are and what we stand for as person, partner, parent, and even, as a human being.
This then becomes the moment when you wake up and realize what is going on or you continue to stumble forward in the dark, letting the world and it’s often dark influences, guide you. For me, a chance to step back and examine things came in the form of the emergency room visit(see previous post) and the time needed to recuperate.
With that time I began to see how I have been letting the world negatively impact and define who I am. That should have never happened. I have struggled so many years against myself, and the world, to become a better person. To rise above, never give up, never give in, never stop dreaming. But then, I failed myself and listened to the voices in the dark. The ones that told me bad things, evil things. I listened far too long and began losing myself to the lies they tell us all. The lies that make it easy. The lies that allow us to walk away and feel good in doing so. The lies that preserve our vanity.
I would rather define myself than accept lies to maintain my vanity. Any day, any time. I am sorry my friends, I got lost somewhere along the line. I shall do my best, not to let it happen again.
I am a writer, and therefore, I shall write. I am a musician, and therefore, I shall create music. I will do both of of these freely and shall share what I have created, always expecting nothing in return. Just your accepting, that this is who I am, is more than enough.
Lastly(but certainly not leastly), I am a family man. One who set aside(mostly) writing and music for 22 yrs. to raise my kids; to do the right thing. This is a fact, and this fact defines me, as being a good man, not an evil one. I will always be these things, whether I or others see it, or not.
I am me and I define myself.