Tag Archives: cat

Does the life of one #cat matter?


I suppose the easy answer to that question would be “no”. In the big picture even I do not matter, why should a cat? However, I am never looking for the easy answer. The easy answer is usually a cop-out often used to escape one’s responsibilities. The easy answer has but one purpose…to make things easier on you.

I don’t want or accept easy. I want difficult, I want a challenge. I want to accomplish. I want to acheive. I am no ordinary being I realize, and of course, this post alone proves as much. So let’s step away from easy and look for that difficult answer.

The difficult answer is ‘It depends”. That one cat might mean the world to someone. It might be the very thing that is holding together one person’s sanity. It might be the only physical contact, with a another living being, that the human has most of everyday. It could easily be a major reason why said human is still alive. What happens to the human if the cat is suddenly gone? I personally find the answer to that last question too scary to even consider, however, sadly I must do so. If not publicly, at least in private. But let’s just set that last question aside for a moment and presume the answer would not be a pretty one.

We will just assume, for the moment, this cat does mean the world to someone. Let us say this for the practical purpose of movement in thought and move along to what someone should do to preserve the life of something so important. If this little cat was in jeopardy, should we take money to the nearest vet, in hopes that this new vet will actually care enough about the animal to try to heal it. Previous experience has shown me, not just people doctors care more about making money, than healing anyone or anything.

The vet I took my previous cat to simply did not prescribe enough antibiotics to heal him, and in the end, the cat had to be put to rest to end his misery. Treading down this path clearly seems like a fool’s mission. Expecting a person to care about an animal, when people seem to have a hard time caring about each other, could not be any more foolhardy of a venture. Yet, what other course of action is there?

Should someone sell their house, their car, their soul, to save one tiny animal that does not even understand all that you give up? Should they drop all their medical treatments they need to help the poor little beast? If they do not do these things, will they be made to suffer more, by the loss of the creature? Would it be more caring, if the human was to simply allow the cat to move on to the next life?

Filled with anger, remorse, agony, and disgust, I must try to answer all these questions in my mind, as my little cat of less than 2 yrs. of age sits around in agony from a UTI infection, which has stopped responding to any over-the-counter medicines. It is not bad enough that I still suffer in my 4th month of a staff infection that won’t go away. Now I must add this to my menu of pain. When will it end? What must I do? And lastly, the always persistent “why me?”

I hate that I must decide this. I don’t want to. This is the last thing I need. I’ve been told sometimes life just sucks. But my question is, why don’t they say that life always sucks? It is much closer to the truth.

Thank you for lending me your ear…I am sorry, it was not good things I had to fill it with.




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May I present the wonderful, amazing, and magical Jinxy Cat!

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These were all taken on her first day home. She was approx. 2 months old when we got her on Tuesday. As a side not, the word¬†Jinx came from the latin word for magic. I really hope she is because we could use some magic in our lives right now. ūüôā



March 31, 2014 · 5:27 AM

Death never comes alone…he brings friends.

Before I really settle into this subject, let me lay the groundwork…dig up the grass, pitch aside the rock and gravel, rake out the¬†large chunks of dirt, and smooth out the surface, if you will. I think…indeed, perhaps even know, that a backdrop must be in place, in order to have a finished painting.

At the ripe old age of 49 yrs. old, my experience with death has been limited. In fact, it has been pretty much non-existent. Certainly, I have known people who have died but by the time it had occurred, they were no longer a part of my life. Either some quarrel or issue had ended our connection or time had simply allowed us to drift apart. Thus when the moment of their death occurred, the impact upon me emotion-wise and otherwise, had been minimal. Not trying to take away anything from their deaths or the loss of them. Just stating something that I believe should be fairly obvious to most who read this. That the death of someone, who you were close to at the time of departure, is going to have more impact upon you.

I also believe I need to make clear that I never really got, how or why people made such a big deal over the death, of an animal…a pet. I always thought that it was not the same as a human being dying and I guess technically it is not the same. However, there are certain aspects of it, I now have begun to grasp. When you spend a lot of time with a pet they become, in your mind and heart, an integral part of the family. While the memories and communications may be different, than that of humans, they certainly do exist and become part of who we are. The recent death of my pet taught me just how much this is true. When you spend everyday with any living creature, they become more a¬†part of your life, than most humans ever do.

Thus when death comes calling he does not come alone and he does not leave until you fully realize what you are supposed to from it. Death may not arrive with a trumpet sound or a loud clash. He may appear as a dark figure in the distance. But no matter how he arrives, he brings depression with him. Depression arrives in the same manner as death. Either quick and sudden or slowly creeping in. Just the idea of someone close to you dying brings forth this friend. He is like a leech. He will suck you dry as long as you allow him to, and to a degree, you must allow him to do so. You must allow him to play his part, for it is the role he was cast in and therefore, he must do his part and you must do yours. You must accept it and then you can begin to work on eliminating him. For all roles, come to their conclusions and so it is the same, with depression.

Then comes the moment that death actually does his job. He takes the being, human or otherwise, out of this world and shows them the path to the afterlife. When he does this he calls in his other friend. That friend is named Guilt. Guilt will arrive in some form or fashion, no matter how much or little you had to do, with the death. Guilt arrives because he also has his role to play. His role is to make you think. He is kinda sneaky in that, you often do not see him coming. But he whispers to you, when your mind is quiet. He wants you to think about it because he knows if you do not, then you will never be able to move forward. He makes you play the blame game. He makes you think about every little thing you did before the death. He makes you question everything. He does this because, he knows you need to at some point come to terms with what happened, and your part to play in it. He wants you to realize that each of us has a part to play in each¬†other’s lives and deaths. It was this last thing, I did not get at first.

I only saw my guilt. The actions I had taken, the decisions I had made. I questioned whether there was something I could of done differently to have prevented it. Of course, if anyone looks at those type of things they are going think that maybe they made mistakes. Maybe they did things wrong. Maybe they acted wrong to the situation. They are going to question every action and every decision, and in the end they are going to realize, that it is possible that they made some errors. Of course, they are going to see this. We all do. We make errors because we are human. It is a part of who we are and one of the main reasons we are here in the first place. Certainly nobody can dispute the fact, that a major reason for us being here, is to learn and grow. Learning requires error. Let me say that again because it is that important. True learning requires us to make errors. Understanding this basic fact is what guilt was trying to show us. That no matter how much our involvement, we cannot accept all the blame because we are human, and do make mistakes. It is a part of our nature.

When guilt has finally opened your eyes to these facts, then the last friend of death makes their arrival. This friend is named Acceptance. Acceptance tells you that we all play our roles, for good or for bad, but ultimately it is never really completely within our own hands. We cannot control what is without, we can only control what is within. We cannot make the world do what we want, we can only make ourselves, do what we want. Even serial killers do not completely control things as much as they think they do. Do they decide who is placed in front of them to become their next victim? Certainly not! Do they decide ultimately who will die? They might think they do but they have no control over whether there is ever going to be the opportunity. Nobody can control others or the environment around them. In the end, only fate gets to decide who or what, lives and dies and when. Once you understand this fact, then accepting what has happened, can occur. It should be noted acceptance does not mean that guilt nor depression have left. Acceptance only opens the door for them to leave.

It is you, who must decide when the time has come, to move on. It is you, who must make them leave. For all three of the friends of death reside within you, and are within your circle of control.

While my time has not come to send away death’s friends, I hope that this¬†little writing¬†helps others, and maybe by chance, it may even help me.





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Puddytat is dead

 Yesterday we had to have him put down. This was not an easy decision to make. In fact, it was one of the hardest decisions I ever made. I loved that cat, yet I could not bear to see him suffer anymore. Ultimately, I had to decide what was best for Puddytat and not for myself. When I realized that simple fact, it left me only one answer. Puddytat would have wanted his pain and suffering to end. With multiple antibiotics and medicines, his condition just continued to worsen. He lost 2 pounds in the last month alone, and I heard on multiple occasions, his cries of pain when he was going to potty. There simply was no other fair option for him.

 I think he knew, or sensed on some level, that he was leaving me. He got up and actually played his favorite toy the day before he left us. I was rather amazed to see him do so, since the only things he really got up for was to eat and potty. He did not even follow me around like he used to. So he gave me the opportunity to get a couple of last day photos. I just breaks my heart to see how much weight he had lost due to his illness but I knew I had to take the pictures.


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R.I.P. Puddytat

You are gone but shall forever have a permanent place, in the hearts of all those that you touched. Thank you for giving us 10 years of your awesome friendship and kindness. I loved you Puddytat and always will.

The only reason I am not completely insane with depression, and unable to type this, was the one good thing that happened yesterday. I knew that I would have problems dealing with his loss, and I also knew I would have problems, being alone and dealing with it. Thus, me and my wife decided to see, if we could save a cat from a shelter. The first place we visited we found an adorable, intelligent(so far), and loving female kitten, who we have named Jinxy. As I type this, she sleeps inside my jacket. I will share one picture of her in this post, as I do not want to take away too much attention, from the main purpose of this post.


I hope this little one helps my heart to mend or at the very least, provides enough distraction, so that I won’t spend every waking minute remembering¬†our loss.



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Goodbye Puddytat


Wow! When it rains in fucking pours. First we lose 2/3 of our income tax return this year(for poor people that means $1800), then I lose my doctor because I am too damn rich(what a joke, really) and now the only damn thing in the entire fucking world  that I care for, nearly as much as my wife, comes down with UTI.

I cannot afford to take my cat to vet though to get a proper diagnosis and therefore the proper antibiotics for him. Hell, if I just lost my doctor and cannot afford to go see one, how can I take my cat?(As an aside, I learned he had UTI by researching his symptoms on the internet and he certainly has the symptoms.)

Thus I only two options. Either abandon my pet at a shelter or have him put down. Either way, I lose the only thing, besides my wife, that has loved me the last 8 years. My heart is broken. Tears are filling my eyes and I can no longer see clearly to type.



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