Tag Archives: humanity

Recent Updates 1-19-15

It occurred to me after posting them to my author blog, that some of these recent posts affect things, that are posted here too. Thus, I am going to share the links, for those who do not read my author blog.

http://wp.me/p1Hef5-c9 -On Hiatus

http://wp.me/p1Hef5-cb – On Hiatus:Why?

http://wp.me/p1Hef5-ch– He is Gone…

Now all my readers should be caught up with the latest news. Have a great day!

Axe

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Death never comes alone…he brings friends.

Before I really settle into this subject, let me lay the groundwork…dig up the grass, pitch aside the rock and gravel, rake out the large chunks of dirt, and smooth out the surface, if you will. I think…indeed, perhaps even know, that a backdrop must be in place, in order to have a finished painting.

At the ripe old age of 49 yrs. old, my experience with death has been limited. In fact, it has been pretty much non-existent. Certainly, I have known people who have died but by the time it had occurred, they were no longer a part of my life. Either some quarrel or issue had ended our connection or time had simply allowed us to drift apart. Thus when the moment of their death occurred, the impact upon me emotion-wise and otherwise, had been minimal. Not trying to take away anything from their deaths or the loss of them. Just stating something that I believe should be fairly obvious to most who read this. That the death of someone, who you were close to at the time of departure, is going to have more impact upon you.

I also believe I need to make clear that I never really got, how or why people made such a big deal over the death, of an animal…a pet. I always thought that it was not the same as a human being dying and I guess technically it is not the same. However, there are certain aspects of it, I now have begun to grasp. When you spend a lot of time with a pet they become, in your mind and heart, an integral part of the family. While the memories and communications may be different, than that of humans, they certainly do exist and become part of who we are. The recent death of my pet taught me just how much this is true. When you spend everyday with any living creature, they become more a part of your life, than most humans ever do.

Thus when death comes calling he does not come alone and he does not leave until you fully realize what you are supposed to from it. Death may not arrive with a trumpet sound or a loud clash. He may appear as a dark figure in the distance. But no matter how he arrives, he brings depression with him. Depression arrives in the same manner as death. Either quick and sudden or slowly creeping in. Just the idea of someone close to you dying brings forth this friend. He is like a leech. He will suck you dry as long as you allow him to, and to a degree, you must allow him to do so. You must allow him to play his part, for it is the role he was cast in and therefore, he must do his part and you must do yours. You must accept it and then you can begin to work on eliminating him. For all roles, come to their conclusions and so it is the same, with depression.

Then comes the moment that death actually does his job. He takes the being, human or otherwise, out of this world and shows them the path to the afterlife. When he does this he calls in his other friend. That friend is named Guilt. Guilt will arrive in some form or fashion, no matter how much or little you had to do, with the death. Guilt arrives because he also has his role to play. His role is to make you think. He is kinda sneaky in that, you often do not see him coming. But he whispers to you, when your mind is quiet. He wants you to think about it because he knows if you do not, then you will never be able to move forward. He makes you play the blame game. He makes you think about every little thing you did before the death. He makes you question everything. He does this because, he knows you need to at some point come to terms with what happened, and your part to play in it. He wants you to realize that each of us has a part to play in each other’s lives and deaths. It was this last thing, I did not get at first.

I only saw my guilt. The actions I had taken, the decisions I had made. I questioned whether there was something I could of done differently to have prevented it. Of course, if anyone looks at those type of things they are going think that maybe they made mistakes. Maybe they did things wrong. Maybe they acted wrong to the situation. They are going to question every action and every decision, and in the end they are going to realize, that it is possible that they made some errors. Of course, they are going to see this. We all do. We make errors because we are human. It is a part of who we are and one of the main reasons we are here in the first place. Certainly nobody can dispute the fact, that a major reason for us being here, is to learn and grow. Learning requires error. Let me say that again because it is that important. True learning requires us to make errors. Understanding this basic fact is what guilt was trying to show us. That no matter how much our involvement, we cannot accept all the blame because we are human, and do make mistakes. It is a part of our nature.

When guilt has finally opened your eyes to these facts, then the last friend of death makes their arrival. This friend is named Acceptance. Acceptance tells you that we all play our roles, for good or for bad, but ultimately it is never really completely within our own hands. We cannot control what is without, we can only control what is within. We cannot make the world do what we want, we can only make ourselves, do what we want. Even serial killers do not completely control things as much as they think they do. Do they decide who is placed in front of them to become their next victim? Certainly not! Do they decide ultimately who will die? They might think they do but they have no control over whether there is ever going to be the opportunity. Nobody can control others or the environment around them. In the end, only fate gets to decide who or what, lives and dies and when. Once you understand this fact, then accepting what has happened, can occur. It should be noted acceptance does not mean that guilt nor depression have left. Acceptance only opens the door for them to leave.

It is you, who must decide when the time has come, to move on. It is you, who must make them leave. For all three of the friends of death reside within you, and are within your circle of control.

While my time has not come to send away death’s friends, I hope that this little writing helps others, and maybe by chance, it may even help me.

Axe

 

 

 

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Define Thyself

This is a thing, which for many years, I have strived to achieve. It is not always easy. Nobody lives in a vacuum(no matter how much people are capable of sucking). We all have outside influences that affect us daily, momentarily, even from second to second, we are bombarded with information from different sources and people.

For most of us, it makes it that much harder to define who we are and what we stand for. Sometimes the outside influences and pressures overcome us, and we find ourselves in places we never intended to be. When this happens, it becomes obvious that we have lost sight of who we are and what we stand for as person, partner, parent, and even, as a human being.

This then becomes the moment when you wake up and realize what is going on or you continue to stumble forward in the dark, letting the world and it’s often dark influences, guide you. For me, a chance to step back and examine things came in the form of the emergency room visit(see previous post) and the time needed to recuperate.

With that time I began to see how I have been letting the world negatively impact and define who I am. That should have never happened. I have struggled so many years against myself, and the world, to become a better person. To rise above, never give up, never give in, never stop dreaming. But then, I failed myself and listened to the voices in the dark. The ones that told me bad things, evil things. I listened far too long and began losing myself to the lies they tell us all. The lies that make it easy. The lies that allow us to walk away and feel good in doing so. The lies that preserve our vanity.

I would rather define myself than accept lies to maintain my vanity. Any day, any time. I am sorry my friends, I got lost somewhere along the line. I shall do my best, not to let it happen again.

I am a writer, and therefore, I shall write. I am a musician, and therefore, I shall create music. I will do both of of these freely and shall share what I have created, always expecting nothing in return. Just your accepting, that this is who I am, is more than enough.

Lastly(but certainly not leastly), I am a family man. One who set aside(mostly) writing and music for 22 yrs. to raise my kids; to do the right thing. This is a fact, and this fact defines me, as being a good man, not an evil one.  I will always be these things, whether I or others see it, or not.

I am me and I define myself.

Axe

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The World in Seven Photos

Firstly, this was emailed to me. I did not take any of the pics. I am simply sharing them.

Lastly, I have lived in Texas for around 32 yrs. and ain’t never(Yes, I know that is not proper English) seen or did what is shown in one of the pics. I also noted that 3 of the 7 pictures are from America. Come on now, America is not the world! But again, just sharing, I did not create the email. I thought the pictures were interesting and worth seeing. Enjoy!

Only in China, Swimming Pool

China swimming pool

Only in Hawaii

Hawaii

Only in India

India

Only in Mexico

Mexico

Only in Texas

Texas

Only In Thailand

Thailand

And last, but not least, Only In America

America

Hope you enjoyed the post and have a great day!

Axe

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Birthdays, what do they really mean?

I suppose they can mean many things, to many people. They can be just another day for some. For others, they can be a day they wish would just end, or would rather forget it even existed. I view them a little differently than most, I suppose, but I am certain there are others out there like me, who view birthdays as milestones.  But what does that mean, really?

Well, let’s look at what an actual milestone is and then the picture may become clearer. A milestone is a place you stop, and you can then take a minute to look back at all you have seen, since your last one. Now you can see, I hope, what I mean when I say I view a birthday as a milestone. I stop, and look back over the previous year and take inventory of what I learned. With that idea in mind, last year implemented new settings to my Facebook account. The major setting, that was most important, was for nobody to be able to post to my timeline, but myself. This allowed two things to happen. People could not post crap and tag it with my name, to use it as a way of getting more people to go, to their timeline. It also meant if someone had something they wanted to say to me, they had to reply to something I posted(which as a side note, they would have to actually read my posts) or they had to send me a direct message.

I did this because of some very obvious reasons. I wanted to know who was actually reading what I posted, and I wanted to know which people really actually gave a shit enough about others, to send a message or even reply to a post on my timeline, on my next birthday. By last years birthday, I already suspected that most people were not reading a damn thing I posted and wondered why I would then get so many b-day wishes, if people were completely ignoring me. Then I realized, that people were not reading anything other than the little notification on their home screen, and replying directly from that. Therefore, there was no reason to ever read anything. You can just post a happy b-day message once a year, and never have to visit that person’s profile or read one fucking word, that they wrote.

This year I have the results of those settings. I may have had to wait an entire year to be sure, and to KNOW I had completely accurate results, but I believe it was worth the wait.

On Facebook, I have a total of 1064 friends. Out of those 1064 “friends” only 19 considered me worthy, of them taking their time to send me a personal Happy Birthday wish. I also made one post about it being my birthday. This post was meant to see how many would actually go to my profile. Only 2 people replied, to that b-day post. So there you have it, 21 people out of 1064 “friends” actually took the time to wish me happy b-day. That is a grand total of 2% of the people I know on FB, actually gave a shit enough to say anything to me, on my birthday.

I am betting a lot of you are now wondering how many people really give a fuck about you. My advice to you, don’t bother. The answer, even if it is better results than mine, will still be very disappointing.

Now getting this information, this hard proof, at this time could not probably not have been timed better. For awhile now I had been asking myself why it was that everything I posted, no matter where I posted it at(Facebook, WordPress, Twitter, G+, Myspace, ReverbNation, Soundcloud, Youtube, just to name a few) seemed to generate little or no response. In fact, no response has really become the norm, at nearly every place. It did not seem to matter what I posted either. A writing, a joke, a picture, a song, etc. I just did not matter where or what I posted. I began to figure out that I could post I died and it would be like everything else. Simply ignored.

I began to realize that the universe was trying to tell me something. But exactly what, I was not sure of. For awhile, I was convinced that it was trying to tell me, that I simply do not matter and should just end it. That seemed to be the message it was sending me. So loudly, so clearly, I cannot say I never considered just putting myself, out of my misery.

But then my little birthday experiment told me, that there are people, who do give a shit about me. There might not be many but there are a few. This message, combined with everything else, gave me a complete picture. Now the message, that the universe has been trying to send me, is a bit more defined.

All the years of life, that I have lived, I have had to deal with everything, from being bullied to being abused to being ignored. Yet, I have always said, it does not matter, if people, in general, hate me the moment they meet me. It does not matter, if family and friends backstab me. It does not matter, how much this world abuses me, I will rise above it all. I will be the better person. I will continue giving people a chance, by opening up, by sharing my self and my life. Now I finally realize, that I was doing it all wrong. I finally got, what the universe has been trying to tell me, and now I can see how I was wrong, in my thinking.

What I have been doing all along, is instead of rising above everything bad, that has happened to me, I have been rewarding people for their abuse. I have been giving, and giving and giving, and not receiving. I have been trying to be better but I now see, that it was a complete waste. If you give money to a fool, then the money is simply lost and has served no purpose. It has helped no one.

Now I get what the universe has been saying. It has been trying to tell me, that I have already given too much, and that I have given it to people who do not deserve it, or do not know how to receive it. I have given to fools, and no one will benefit from that. They shall not be enriched and I shall never be thanked, for all that I have given. The time for me to give, has now come to an end. The universe has been trying to tell me, that I have already given to much, and now that I can clearly see this, I shall give no more.

This does not mean I won’t ever post again. On the contrary, I might actually post more(not making any guarantees). But , what I do post in the future, will not be of my blood, time, creativity, and energy, spent. It will be other people’s crap. I will go steal and share someone else’s crap, just like every other motherfucker out there does. Nothing I post in the future will be something I created with my camera, computer, or musical instruments, unless it is something I have already created. Those works I have started, will be finished, but then all new stuff will stay with me, until the universe sends me a clear message to the contrary.

This year’s birthday milestone was a very important one for me. I learned sharing with people who are undeserving of it is the equivalent of rewarding bad behavior. I won’t make that mistake again. Thank you for reading and may your minestones show you as much, as mine have.

Axe

 

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